Thank You, Mama

“Thank you, Mama.” Those were my precious daughter’s final words to me. I will never forget them nor will I ever forget the way they sounded. I can hear her saying them right now. I can see her face as she says them. I just wish I could remember the exact time on August 31st that she said them to me. Our days in ICU were such a blur, it’s hard to recall what happened on what day and when. I want to remember every single moment with her. I’m grasping onto every memory I can.

Kristine entered the ICU on the night of August 29th for a DVT and a pulmonary embolism. That very day she had had an MRI to see how she was responding to the combo treatments she’d been getting since June 16th. The next day (8/30), we found out that her tumors had shrunk by 20%...I was ecstatic...the cancer was clearly responding to the treatments. However, she had become completely unresponsive while in the hospital and the doctors had no idea why. They began running tests and calling in specialists, all while conferencing with her oncologist in LA.

She did ‘wake up’ that afternoon, but then she was agitated and in a lot of pain...she didn’t get to sleep until about 1:30 am. Thursday (8/31) was more of the same...agitated, in pain, and uncomfortable...and it was during all of this that she spoke her final words to me.

It was difficult to see my sweet girl so agitated. She was so uncomfortable and kept pulling at the oxygen thing in her nose. She’d pull it out and then alarms would go off and startle her. She’d bend her arms and the IV alarms would go off. She couldn’t get any rest. At one point, my daughter Becca and I were holding her hands just to prevent her from pulling at anything so she could try and get some sleep. She was getting so annoyed with us. I would tell her she couldn’t pull at it and she’d ask why. I’d give her a logical answer, but she kept asking why over and over. I finally said only half-jokingly, ‘because I said so!’

The doctors gave her something to help her rest, and she began to feel more comfortable. She had such a serene look on her face. We then had our final conversation.

I said, “I love you so much, sweetie.”

“I love you too, Mama,” she replied.

I could feel tears welling up as I then said, “You’re so beautiful.”

She tilted her head toward me, smiled her sweet smile, and said, “Thank you, Mama.”

I kissed her cheek and kissed her hand through my mask and then just sat in the chair next to her bed, holding her hand as she drifted off to sleep. I didn’t know at that moment that I would never hear her voice again or see her smile. While it's heartbreaking to think about that, I do recognize that our family was blessed to be able to tell her how much we loved her before she passed away...most people never get that opportunity. And I'm doubly blessed to have had such a sweet conversation with her before she was unable to communicate. Can you imagine if my final words to her were 'because I said so'!?

The Final Countdown

Tuesday, August 24th

Today was the first day I really knew I was ready to go home...good thing, too, cuz it's our last full day in Europe. I miss my girls, my dogs, and my bed...oh yeah, and Del Taco.

I think our trip was the perfect length, we all just wish we had more time in Spain and an extra day in London. But Spain has definitely left us wanting more and we have already been talking about a few weeks in Spain, tentatively scheduled for 2012.

The Alhambra

Matt loved Spain before he ever set foot on its soil. He has embraced his Spanish heritage along with Spain's futbol (soccer) team. Maybe we have relatives in Sevilla, when we checked into our hotel, they told us that a famous judge with our last name lived there. He plans to live in Spain one day...not sure how I'd like that, but I'm very open to him spending a year of college out here. Mike works with a couple guys whose sons are attending college in Granada, so we'll start looking into it.

We had planned to go to the beach today, but four hours on a bus followed by five hours on a train returning to Madrid didn't sit well, so we just spent the day in Granada. We shopped til we dropped in the Moroccan feeling marketplace. We took another minibus ride, this time to the area of Sacromonte, where the Roma (Gypsy) community resides. They actually have homes and businesses in caves in the side of the mountain. We tried to take pics from the bus without falling over, so they aren't the greatest. Finally, we had lunch at the Turkish restaurant again while playing Phase 10 until we had to leave for the train station.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. A five hour train ride, a taxi to the hotel near the airport...oh, and leg cramps keeping me up until about 3 am. Oh well, tomorrow night I get to have leg cramps in my own bed.

Food...The Most Important Meal of the Day

Monday, August 23rd

Today started off with a luxurious breakfast buffet at our Sevilla hotel, Hotel Al-Andalus Palace. It was very much like a Las Vegas buffet...think Monte Carlo, not Circus Circus. After eating, we checked out and took a taxi to the bus station to catch a bus to Granada. Buses in Spain are very nice...they´re basically charter buses. While in the taxi, I tried to get pictures of some of the cool buildings in Sevilla.

We arrived in Granada around 3 pm and took a taxi straight to our hotel. We´ve been taking taxis pretty much exclusively while in Spain, as we´ve grown weary of dragging our luggage on and off of public transportation. Fortunately, taxis in Spain are cheap and everywhere.

Our hotel was located in the heart of Granada, overlooking Plaza Nueva. We were surrounded with charming cafes...and we were hungry! We ate at a Turkish restaurant and it was pretty good. They have this huge slab of meat slowly rotating and cooking and they just shave meat off of that to make sandwiches, wraps. etc. Matt was disappointed as he grabbed the ketchup dispenser and it was curry sauce...he already had a negative experience with curry sauce in Germany.

After eating, we jumped on a minibus for a little tour of the Albayzin, the Moorish part of town. At points it felt like we were on an E ticket ride. The streets were so narrow that a pedestrian had to duck into a doorway to allow the bus to pass...crazy.

We returned to Plaza Nueva and headed to the Capilla Real, or Royal Chapel. This is where King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella are entombed. It seems as if this trip has involved lots of tombs...I´m at the point where ´when you´ve seen one tomb, you´ve seen them all´!

Around the Chapel, there was a maze of shopping stalls...we happily got lost inside and actually got some pretty good deals.

Queen Isabella & Columbus

Our day ended with dinner at a tapas bar. We just couldn´t leave Spain without having tapas. We had a Spanish omelet, smoked salmon on toast, pork ribs, chicken wings, pasta...way too much food! We finally rolled back to the room and fell into a deep, food-induced coma.

Lettin' it all Hang Out

Sunday, August 22nd

Our trip is quickly coming to an end and we all miss home, but are still enjoying our travels. Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been all sunshine and roses (definitely not sunshine). We've had our annoyances with each other, but what do expect after being together for 25 days 24/7? I love my husband and son...I just haven't always liked them on this trip...and it's quite possible that they haven't always liked me.

This morning, we caught an early train to Sevilla. Sevilla is gorgeous! It reminds us of a cross between Balboa Park in San Diego and a resort in the desert (La Quinta) with lots of history thrown in. Just driving from the train station to our hotel, we saw examples of traditional Spanish architecture, Moorish architecture, Asian, Medieval, and more. I wish I knew more about architecture to be able identify it.

My dear friend, Debbie, who loves La Quinta in July, would adore Sevilla in August...I couldn't help thinking about her as I enjoyed the 113 degree heat. Honestly, I did enjoy it...other than when I got a little dehydrated and almost threw up.

Our hotel was over the top! It would be a perfect spot for our next Couples Retreat....Debbie? Most people do not vacation in Sevilla in August, so we were able to get a room in a resort-like atmosphere for 50 Euros a night! Of course, the transportation cost might be a little prohibitive.

We had two sites on our agenda, the Sevilla Cathedral and the Alcazar. As it was Sunday, the Cathedral didn't open until 2:30, so we hit the Alcazar first. It is a Moorish palace built for a Christian king. Queen Isabella actually met with Columbus here...we thought that was pretty cool. It had many beautiful, intricate ceilings, doors, walls, windows, patios...even the garden. This is where I got overheated. I had only had a soda since waking up...no water...and, all of a sudden, I thought I was going to throw up and pass out all at the same time. You gotta respect the heat.

Next, we went to the Sevilla Cathedral. It is the third largest church after St. Peter's in Rome and St. Paul's in London...and I've seen them all! The Cathedral was beautiful, but it's claim to fame is having the tomb of Christopher Columbus. I was pretty impressed that Columbus' tomb was fairly simple considering all the tombs I've seen. As I wasn't feeling well, we didn't stay too long, but definitely saw all we needed to.

We returned to our room and decided to hit the pool. The water was so refreshing. But going to the pool introduced a whole new aspect of European culture to my 14 year old son...topless sunbathing. I knew that Europeans had a very relaxed attitude towards nudity, but for some reason, I thought it would be frowned upon at a family resort. No, it wasn't. There were about four women laying out topless. We definitely had to discuss the difference in cultural norms. It was enough that he was horrified a couple days ago by seeing a woman breastfeed at a restaurant...without covering up. What really bothered me was the young girls...like 9 and 10 who were topless...all I could think of was that there might be pedophiles around. Of course, in addition to the topless women and girls, there were guys in speedos...do they know how funny they look? And there was one guy with a huge bong smoking something...Mike says it wasn't illegal...it was probably some type of herb. Let's just say it was quite the experience.

After swimming, we were exhausted and went to bed early...I think I slept for almost twelve hours...I needed it after today!

Bad Boys, Bad Boys...Whatcha Gonna Do

Saturday, August 21st

Hola from beautiful, sunny Madrid! We have had so much rain and cool weather on this trip...I'm am loving how warm Spain is. I won't even complain when we get to Sevilla, where I hear it's easily over 100 degrees.

Today we took a short day trip by bus out to El Escorial. There we toured another royal palace and, of course, no photos allowed. It wasn't nearly as opulent as the palace we visited yesterday, but it sure was full of dead people! There were about six or seven tomb rooms. The first one held over 400 centuries of Spanish kings & queens and the last one held royal children who died before their first communion...sad. The tomb rooms in between all looked the same to me.

Before returning to Madrid, we had some gelato at the bus station. They had one made with Kit Kats...it was to die for! Not literally, after all, I'm not ready to be put in a tomb room.

Back in Madrid, we went to Puerto del Sol to check out some ham...Spain is famous for it. Mike was wanting to bring some back, but it looks like customs might not like that idea. Anyway, Mike saw a couple police officers and, before you know it, they're talking like they've known each other forever. The two officers are so excited by the patches that Mike gives them, they take us to their station and give us a tour...in addition to giving Mike one of their patches. They exchange email addresses and promise to keep in touch...we even offer to show them around if they come out to SoCal. It was really cool...the highlight of our time in Madrid.

Well, as the day was quickly coming to an end and we needed to get back to the apartment to finish laundry, we just picked up a pizza on our way home. I just finished completely repacking and making a list of all the souveniers we bought for the declaration form we need to fill out when we return to the States.

Now, I'm laying in bed...Mike and Matt are asleep. I wanted to get my blog done because we are travelling to Sevilla tomorrow morning. And, since we have a 7:30 am train to catch and it's about 12:30 am right now...I better get some sleep.

Buenos noches, Cindy
(Just so you know, I've become quite adept at flipping my fan around.)

Not Mr. Roger's Neighborhood

Friday, August 20th

We woke this morning worried about what type of neighborhood we were staying in. We had seen graffiti from the taxi as we approached the apartment. Of course, we've seen graffiti in virtually every city we've visited, but to have it on the very street we're staying was pretty scary. Graffiti is synonymous with gangbangers and hoodlums, thieves and murderers...and we certainly don't want to run into any of those!

Matthew heard a ruckus outside and cautiously looked out the window. He was horrified to see a gang of young men playing futbol (soccer for us uninformed Americans) in the courtyard. I wondered if they were able to penetrate our seemingly impenetrable apartment complex, what would we encounter when we ventured out from the safety of our building.

It didn't take long to find out, as our stomachs growled and beckoned us to leave in search of sustenance. We left the apartment...walked down the stairs...and slowly opened the security door to the building. Outside was a hoodlum alright...riding his bike around...staring us down. It looked as if he had just robbed the gang of their futbol. I contemplated running back inside, but then I got a better idea...I took out my camera and snapped a picture of the guy.

Okay, so the neighborhood isn't bad. Just a little graffiti. We walked and had a great breakfast, took the metro to Puerto del Sol and walked to the Palacio Real (Royal Palace). The palace was incredible, we all really enjoyed it...but they don't allow you to take pictures inside. =(

We headed back to Puerto del Sol and did some shopping. I've been going pretty crazy with the souvenier shopping. Matt too, he's bought a weapon of some type in every country. We decided we were gonna need another suitcase to take everything home.

We left Puerto del Sol and found a grocery store...the shopping never ends. Matt decided that I'm going to make breakfast tomorrow morning. Thanks, Matt. We went back to the room and I did something new...hung clothes on a clothesline. The apartment has a washer, but no dryer. Out of the window is a pulley system to hang clothes on...I did not enjoy this part of the day...remember, Mike does all the laundry at home.

The Prado Museum was next on our agenda. We walked...it was only about 20 minutes away...and it was free because we got there after 6 pm. The Prado has mostly Spanish artists, but a good collection of others. We headed to all the 'must-sees'...which I probably should never do...my 'must-sees' are not always the same as those in a guidebook. In fact, my RS guidebook said that the best painting in world was located at the Prado...Les Menines by Velasquez. It certainly wasn't the best in my opinion, but art is subjective. We couldn't take pictures, so I found one on the web.

After the Prado, we found another suitcase, had dinner, and walked back to our apartment...luckily it was still light out.

Wee, Wee, Paree

Thursday, August 19th

Well, just to start off...Mike and I are dorks! We went to bed in our amazing hotel room and during the night felt like we were getting bit by something. I asked Mike if the window was open and he said he closed it. Basically, we had a horrible night itching and scratching and hearing the street noise. Around three in the morning, I had my whole speech ready to go to get a discount because they obviously had bed bugs. I was disgusted and angry. This morning, we groggily rolled out of bed and asked Matt if he had gotten bit. He said, "No, I had a great night's sleep." We returned to our room only to see that we had left the window WIDE open all night! Mike saw a mosquito in the bathroom and he said it looked engorged with blood...gross, I know. So, through our own negligence, we had a horrible night in a great hotel.

Matt had insisted on buying himself a beret yesterday. I told him I didn't care as long as he wore it for the rest of our time in Paris. So, as you will see in all of our photos today, Matt is now Beret Boy.

Breakfast in Paris was quite an event for us. It seemed as if the food never stopped coming. They do love their bread! There were croissants, baguettes with butter spread on them, and a basket of baguette slices. In addition, we had hot chocolate (Mike had coffee), fresh squeezed orange juice (probably the best oj I've ever had), and enormous ham and cheese omelets. We were set til dinner...which was good, because it cost over 50 Euros...about $65.

Then we were off to Les Invalides to see Napoleon's Tomb...the one thing Matt really wanted to do in Paris. Les Invalides is a hospital for wounded soldiers that also house a few museums and Napoleon's Tomb. It was interesting to see the opulence surrounding a dead person.

Next, we headed over to the Eiffel Tower. The line to go up was astronomical! I have never in my entire life seen crowds that bad. This is where having had Disneyland passes for years is a detriment. My family has no tolerance for lines. When we go to Disneyland, if the lines are too long...we leave. This was no different. Mike and Matt had no desire to stand in line to go up the Eiffel Tower, and since I had already done it with the girls...we took some photos and left.

We walked to the Seine River and got some ice cream and then headed back to the hotel, shopping along the way. This time, Matt insisted on buying another beret for his 'Beret Buddy' and you will find out who you are when we return home.

We had an airport shuttle van pick us up at the hotel to take us to CDG Airport for a 6 pm flight...which didn't arrive until 7 pm...at which time we all boarded and sat on the tarmac for 45 minutes before finally taking off. The captain was really great though, he went through and spoke with everyone and invited people to come into the cockpit for photographs. I think everyone on the plane took advantage of that invitation...except us...we were too cool. We did have some great conversations with two of the flight attendants, however, as we were sitting in the very front row and they had to sit facing us during take-off and landing.

We arrived at our Madrid apartment pretty late. The neighborhood looked a little sketchy, but the owner assured us it was safe. I guess we'll find out!